Do I Have to Love Them?

We're all familiar with Jesus' answer to the question, "Which is the great commandment?" We know that the essence of the law, reflecting the nature of God himself, is love. "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment...You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39). So we know the answer is, "Yes!"

But then we think about specific people in the church who for us, are hard to love. Maybe we find aspects of their personality annoying. Maybe they hold views on doctrinal issues that, although they aren't central to the gospel or even membership in the local church, that we strongly disagree with. Maybe they have opinions about political and social matters that we don't like. Maybe they've sinned against us, and we'd rather just not be around them.

Any number of things about a (fellow!) sinner might drive you crazy, and Jamie Dunlop's book on why and how to love them in the pursuit of unity in Christ's body and for his glory is worth your time to read. He does provide some helpful caveats throughout, including and importantly, the book is aimed at relationships among genuine Christians in the local church. He reminds us that "seeking to implement the principles of this book in a church full of non-Christians will merely result in frustration and confusion." 

Who is in View? 

At EBC, we continue to pursue, by God's grace, a healthy, regenerate church membership in which the congregation is active in the discipleship and discipline of its members. So while it is not our expectation that conflict among members will arise primarily or even often because there are unbelievers among us, it should be pointed out that 1) it is possible, and church discipline exists to help us make clear statements about this and 2) in practice, this means that the principles of this book are not designed for thinking about your relationships with unbelievers in general. 

Dunlop uses an often cited system for thinking through levels of importance on various issues. Level 1 issues distinguish people who we would say are and are not Christians. For example, the deity of Christ is not an issue over which believers are free to disagree. Level 2 issues are not issues that separate believers from unbelievers, but where in practice it is most helpful for believers to be in different churches. Baptism is an important level 2 issue. Level 3 issues need not separate believers even into different churches, and would include things like specific eschatalogical beliefs. The applications of Dunlop's book apply most directly to level 3 issues: people with whom you should be able to joyfully co-exist in the same local expression of the body of Christ. 

8 Truths

Dunlop's book is primarily 8 truths answering 8 questions surrounding different facets of loving those we find hard to love. He begins with the presence of difficult people as an opportunity to display gospel-based, faith-rooted unity for the glory of God. It is worth mentioning that Dunlop reminds us that for some, perhaps more than we'd like to admit, we are the difficult person, and we drive other people crazy, too. The book provides helpful, biblical doses of humility throughout.

We are reminded of the impossibility of the kind of love commanded by Jesus - impossible love that is empowered by mercy that we do not deserve, cannot earn, and cannot show to others in our own strength. Dunlop is careful to point out the stakes of love and the lack thereof. When we are disunified and unloving, we are lying about Christ and what he has achieved (consider Ephesians 2:11-22).

I appreciate Dunlop's sharing examples of real-life scenarios within the church to illustrate how conflicts arise and how to work through them for love's sake. It gave me time to reflect on some situations from our own church's past and consider what I would have done differently in some cases, how others had "happier" endings, and how in all of it the Lord has remained faithful and full of grace and patience towards me. 

The implications of the gospel are all over this book in the ways we think about and treat one another in the church, but perhaps more importantly, what is in our hearts with regard to them. Dunlop helps us see the problems with our tendencies towards retreating from or faking care for the ones who drive us crazy. He encourages us to press in, hoping in the Lord, and trusting in his goodness and justice to pursue greater heights of love and sincere warm affection in even our hardest relationships. 

Readable and Practical

"Love the Ones Who Drive You Crazy" is easy to read and at about 150 pages, is more than manageable. Dunlop includes reflection/discussion questions and prayer points at the end of each chapter which are helpful in putting these truths into practice.

While many of the examples that Dunlop provides from real life were born out of or worsened by the coronavirus pandemic and may not seem as relevant today, all believers can benefit from seeing how genuine Christians will not naturally or necessarily simply get along with no issues. We display the beauty of the gospel through all kinds of differences, not despite them. It will be hard, but it will be glorious, because as you'll read, "easy love rarely shows off gospel power."

Click here to purchase the book from our 10ofThose bookstore.